Reposted on request.
I am absolutely LIVID yes, but no less coherent and no less aware of the true cost of the Cashless card on my life and people like me’s lives. I am so damn angry that the over-privileged class think they can get away with making such judgments about people, judgements that are destroying lives!
Did you lot not stop for one second to THINK about the actual people you are offending? Did you not even consider WHO you are about to abuse in yourself righteousness?
Well welcome to ME then…
I want you to know that I was first raped at 5 by a family friend, and then for three years by a priest from Armidale who’d visit our church. Id was beaten up by a drunk father at home, when I went to school I was so sick I couldn’t think, the nuns would make me clean drains because I couldn’t sit still in class. Eventually it became too much and just before I turned 11, I ran away from home to a friends house up the road. They called social services, and the guy that was meant to take me to the Byron Youth Shelter instead raped me just outside Mullumbimby turn off and dumped me there pointing out where I could hitchhike to the refuge by myself. When I did make it there, I thought I was safe, then the workers left at 11pm and the boys there took me to the beach and got drunk and raped me. They left a cask of Coolabah beside me and took off, so I drank it, the whole lot and woke up the next day knowing I couldn’t go back. So I hitched a ride with a trucker to Brisbane, who for sex, gave me food. He dropped me off near the Suncorp building and took off. I was still 11 and walking up and down the street looking for food when a man picked me up and took me to a motel, he raped me and left money and the room key. I had no idea what I was meant to do so I took the money and walked back into town.
Three days later I was picked up by one of the Ballino brothers, local mafia I was told later, and put to work in a place called Purple Parrot where for 50 cents, you could hit a target with a ball and make me fall into the cold water, it was called ‘dunk a dolly’ and for 10 dollars you could sit in a booth and watch me strip as a screen slid up to show more and more of me if you kept putting coins in…. So many of your sons husbands and even the police came into that place, boys on the town doing their thing….not one of them thought to ask if I wanted it or ask if I was ok. I lived like that, sleeping at the pub working at the Parrot until I turned 12 years old.
One night I was walking back to the Parrot when I was picked up by police. They took me to a brothel, an underage brothel in Highgate Hill called Fantasy Photographics, and put me to work there. I ate slept and worked there for two years while QLD judges, businessmen, politicians, police, and crime bosses raped me every day while my bosses filmed them through closed circuit video. A honey trap..to keep ppl in line in fear. Clients there were ” normal” men, your husbands, your sons, your community leaders and Licensing Squad would come every other day and take money and video from my boss Warren, and sometime the big boss Hector would visit and we had to dress up right. The older girls would cover my bruises with makeup and we were not allowed to speak. Kids would disappear from this place all the time, and there were kids younger than even me there all the time..the older girls told me they were put into the river, knocked off. A threat that we were never to talk to the clients about the place. We were taken to Sydney once, to a big house in Gosford, one in Griffith, and then to a place as big as a palace on Scotland Island for “parties” . Passed around by the men always with an older woman there to keep us from running off. we did this, or we ‘slept in the river’. It was the only life I knew.
Then, things changed, back in Brisbane I was 14 and my belly started swelling and I was told I was pregnant by an older girl but to shut up about it for as long as I could or they would kill me. Not long after I noticed my boobs getting bigger there were some big police raids on this place by other police and myself and two others were picked up by these other police and dumped on the street, back near Suncorp with nowhere to go and no money. The Fitzgerald inquiry was happening I found out later and everyone was going to ground. Everyone was after the big names, and they just dumped us without even getting us help or even asking us if we were ok. I jumped a truck and headed back to Byron, back to the shelter, but now I was pregnant they couldn’t house me. I tried to have an abortion but was too far gone, over 5months. So I gave birth at 14 in the garage of a worker from the first refuge I had been at. She took me in when Centrelink refused to give me any payment because I had no ID, no healthcare card, no birth certificate and no address. I had no identity at all, I just didn’t exist.
That is how I arrived in ” white bread land” – the regular day light living world. In between addictions, two more rapes and the loss of my first child, I have been recovering ever since. When my first child was adopted out I went to 12 step recovery and over a long time, got sober and clean. I was on CL payments then and without them I don’t think I would have continued. I tried to study, I couldn’t focus, I was experiencing effects of the rapes and life I had led and demoralized, just sank into depression. I kept trying though, it took over ten years for me to be able to remember a simple phone number, to stop the worst of PTSD symptoms and sleep a full night. At 23 I gave birth to my second son. He doesn’t know even until today he was a child of rape. I made the mistake of thinking it was ok to walk down a street on my own. I wont make that mistake again.
Over the years parenting him under parenting payment life slowly got better on the outside and I began to seek help to try and heal the insides. Sober and clean I was and am a ‘good mum’. I got and survived cancer when he was two, I helped him to achieved state level in sport, get to year 12, and did it all on a pension. We didn’t have a lot but what we had we did everything with and I was never made then to feel ashamed or maybe I was just impervious..I don’t know. I do know I was incapable of working in the world, I just wasn’t ‘all here’….what had happened to me left me in two worlds that never reconciled.
Over the years I refused to let my son and I be anything less than equal to anyone around us. I managed wherever I was , to carve out small portions of happiness however I could. My only link to the ‘community’ was my regular payments. They were a sense of security that enabled me to do everything else. Most importantly they helped me to feel in control of my life, being able to budget well, meet my sons needs, even later to study again for a short time, these were all possible because I was able to manage my own finances and didn’t feel ‘bad’ or that I ‘owed’ because of them. Then in 2003 i was raped by a member of my 12 step group who after many months of intimacy, disclosed to me he was a pedophile. I lost it. In 2004 I had a mental breakdown. My mind finally couldn’t take anymore.I had no capacity to trust, to think to do anything more than run and try to die and I did just that until one attempt saw me land in the Mental Health unit. Instead of help..there was only more abuse there. Rampaging men threatening rape, doctors who didn’t hear a word I was saying..drugs that left me incapable of living. No one sat and talked to me, no one offered any support services, no one gave me a number of a counselor or anything. It was just a holding cell. On discharge I asked the director of the place what I should do..he told me these exact words ” Go home and pretend to be normal”.
So I did.
That was all the help your grand ‘mental health industry’ could offer me..so i have taken it and I have done that ever since. I have pretended to be normal. Recovering my way under my terms, reclaiming my mind from their drugs, reclaiming myself and my mind body and soul from this damned “society” that is incapable of looking in the the mirror and I have done GOOD! I have stabilized MYSELF, built a home for and by MYSELF and i am NOT fucking sorry I have needed help from a centrelink payment to do that!
And yet now…having done all this work with the ONLY support I have EVER asked from any of you being centrelink payments, having spent every last spec of energy I had to that end…finally finding a little home, some safe ground, safe people and even a safe clinician to help me walk towards a healing path, now my freedom is being take away again!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!
I am about to loose my home if this card rolls out as I pay cash rent…we poor people do that you know..because we HAVE TO…I don’t just lose bricks and mortar, I loose safety security and self determination AGAIN because some white prick BILLIONAIRE wants control over land and people, and to sooth his own ego and try to erase his families history of abuses!!!
This MAN who does not even know me or what I need most, when and how, wants to take my capacity to control my own life away – again!
Another abuser with a justification, openly stating he wants to undermine my HUMAN RIGHTS and so OPENLY declaring publicly he wants to abuse me and all people like me and YOU ARE ALL SITTING THERE NODDING YOUR HEADS! This time its not just one man alone its the fucking government and seemingly, everyone around me that thinks its perfectly ok for them to do it!!!!! Your all CHEERING THEM ON complicit in these abuses as they remove what little freedom and control I have been able to grab back from a world that has done nothing but hit and hit and hit!!!!!
What the actual FK !??
You told me empowerment was key to healing….you told me self determination was key to maturity…you told me personal autonomy and wise choices was key to growth and wanting those things for myself and for my child desperately, I BELIEVED YOU! WHY ARE YOU REMOVING THEM NOW?
Why are you all now taking that away?
What did *I* do this time?
Why are you letting abusers get away with this crime of removing my capacity to do life for myself?
Why are you HELPING ppl that want to take away my rights and MAKE me a dependent ?
I don’t drink or gamble or abuse or commit crimes. I AM A FUCKING VICTIM OF CRIME! Why are you HELPING these corporate monsters and their puppets to do this? WHY?
Wasn’t me getting clean and sober enough for you? Wasn’t just enduring and overcoming the sexual perversions and abuses of YOUR “good community leaders” sons husbands police and politicians enough of a ‘success’ for you?
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU POSSIBLY FUCKING EXPECT FROM ME!!!!!
Did you think my social silence about the reality of my life was some kind of permission for you to keep abusing me and every single one of us out here just like me?
At what point did God come and bestow upon you the RIGHT to treat victims and survivors like this????
What point is there to bother striving to overcome ANYTHING anymore ever, if only to find when you get to a certain point all the over- privileged blind arrogant white Society fucks deem it just fine to throw you back into the cesspit?
This card is going to make me homeless – again!!!!
This card is going to forcibly take my power and control out of my hands and hand power in and over my life to a MAN and A SOCIETY that has done NOTHING but abuse me!
CAN YOU POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS TO SOMEONE LIKE ME?????
It will erase decades of tiny successes and tiny hopes I have had to force up from dark and damaged places. It will cut out my heart and I am NOT putting it back together to be a “good taxpaying community citizen” for you lot of uncaring filth again!!!!!!
All that trying and hardest of hard work..for NOTHING!
YOU ARE STEALING MY MEANING, not just my control over money.
Is it MY fault your men couldn’t keep their hands to themselves?
What have *I* done wrong but survive, to deserve this punishment and judgment condemnation from you?
Why do *I* deserve to have MY FREEDOM taken away?
*I* am not the PROBLEM. I was the RECIPIENT of the TERRIBLE consequences of ***this sick societies*** UNCHECKED PROBLEMS!!!!
You have NO RIGHT to take my home from me or to make me a slave to the whims and will of other people who don’t give a shit about me! I DO NOT CONSENT! I DO NOT CONSENT!
I WILL NOT LET YOU DO THIS TO ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt FIND myself in these circumstances you smug c*nts YOU GAVE ME THIS BURDEN and I have been trying desperately to endure it MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE!
I will not EVER EVER EVER activate Twiggy’s card.
I WILL die first!
And YOU, society, it will be ON YOU this time when I do.
FUCK YOU ALL for legitimizing ABUSE!
FUCK YOU DERRYN HINCH for making profit from abuse survivors then voting to abuse us all over again!!!!!
FUCK YOU Malcolm TURNBULL who has never known actual suffrage and day in your life!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU ALP for NOT standing up for people like me!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU HANSON for your EVIL complicit behavior in approving abuses YOU will not suffer with or be subject to!
YOU ARE ALL AN IGNORANT DISGRACE!
FUCK THE LOT OF YOU!
REAP WHAT YOU HAVE SOWN you pack of self deceived liars!